You’re Worth Waiting For!
A few years ago, I met a guy at my job. In one of our conversations, I told him that I was a virgin. He was so shocked, it took a minute for him to process it. You would have thought I told him I just got out of prison!
Interestingly enough, many others have a similar response when I tell them that I am celibate. I have decided to wait until marriage to have sex. They are surprised, and I can understand why. Our society is consumed with sex. The commercials, magazines, TV shows talk about it all the time. Relationship experts are always giving tips how it can spice up your relationships. Singers suggest it in their songs (i.e. ‘Sexual Healing’) and women send a sexual message loud and clear with the provocative, tight clothes they wear, leaving nothing to the man’s imagination. Since it appears that everyone is sexually active, many find it hard to believe that there are those who decided to abstain from sex until they marry. I’ve seen and heard from my peers how sex can make some relationships complicated, and cause unnecessary drama. Here are some of the benefits I gain from being celibate:
- Celibacy gives you time to know the other person’s intentions. As my Sunday School teacher once said, the purpose of dating is to find out what he’s after. Does this man genuinely want to get to know me? Or is he looking to have someone just for the night? I’ve had instances where guys I just met wanted to come to my home. I explained to one guy why I was not ready to do that, and he got upset and defensive. That was an immediate red flag for me. Needless to say, I let him go quick! Anyone can put on a good act within the first few months of meeting them. Kenny Pugh, author of series “Celibacy is Sexy,” says celibacy gives you time to evaluate the status of your relationship clearly, whereas pre-marital sex can ‘cloud’ your perspective on the relationship. The relationship could be going well, but after you have sex, the relationship mysteriously goes down hill and you wonder why it “didn’t work out.”
- Celibacy eliminates the emotional drama! Celibacy also prevents unexpected pregnancies, having children with someone you do not see yourself settling down with. Even though both parties ultimately decide to become good parents for the sake of the children, many would agree that the baby mama and baby daddy drama is something that you can definitely do without!
- Celibacy narrows the focus on you and your value as a person. When you know who you are and what you have to offer, you will want to connect with people who can appreciate that as well. Too many singles are giving a piece of themselves away sexually and getting nothing in return. You’re looking to be with someone long term, not just to ‘hook up’ with for one night.
- Celibacy opens the door to receive God’s best choice for a mate. As a Christian, I’ve decided to follow God’s will and share those special moments of intimacy with my husband. In an article from Essence, “What You Said: 16 Women on Why They’re Saying No to Sex” (www.essence.com), a majority of the women stated their relationship with God as a primary reason to abstain. Amy, one of the ladies in the article, said “I’m celibate because I’m rebuilding my relationship with God, and I was tired of men taking advantage of a gift intended for my husband. Too many people are being careless in their sexual lives. I love myself and want to live worry free.”
We live in a microwave type society, where we want our desires fulfilled now. We want our physical needs met instantly without thinking about the consequences. But life coach Jael Roberson states in her article “Abstinence-The Real Cure” there is a price that comes with pre-marital sex that the media and the song lyrics fail to tell you: “They don’t show you the teenage single mother in bed holding her child, crying, while trying to reach the father on her cell phone who she has not heard from since she had their baby. They do not show you the emotional scars that many men and women, boys and girls have from the soul ties that seem to be unbreakable.” You are worth waiting for! Nobody wants to be treated as a ‘trial membership,’ where the other person experiments with you for 30 days and asks for a refund if they’re not satisfied. You deserve someone who is will sign a lifelong commitment through marriage and be with you no matter what!
